Valerie Rojas
Editorial Director

This weekend was indeed a festive one for many, including myself. As hundreds of fancy town movie stars gathered at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood for some recognition and pats-on-the-back at the Academy Awards, I sat inside the Troubadour Theatre just a few streets away. Because I was a bit preoccupied with

actually having a good time, I missed the Oscars this year. Unlike many, I wasn’t sitting on my couch yelling at the television set when Jamie Foxx won over pretty boy Leonardo Di Caprio. Not that I would have been doing that had I been home, anyway. Frankly, I cannot stand awards shows.

From the music/movie ones that MTV spews our way to the Oscars, Grammys, Razzies, Doves, what-have-you, they all bore me. I am glad I missed the award show this year, I saved myself from a few yawns and I happened to catch some good rock ‘n’ roll action.

However, on that Sunday night, I accidentally caught a portion of this prestigious affair. As I was chatting with some friends at the bar, a few minutes of the program flashed on the television screen just above a Billy Idol poster. And low and behold, our host Chris Rock was cracking jokes, and who was his target? President Bush, of course.

Now, now, I know that Bush happens to be the butt of many jokes and that is just fine by me. And I know that Rock is a very funny man who will tell very funny jokes about our very funny President to Hollywood yuppies as they wait to get handed their funny gold statues while being lavished by their coworkers’ compliments. But, as I was listening to Rock, I noticed he left out a great many facts in his Bush bashing comedy routine. In fact, his act was simply a few comedic analogies that only included select pieces of a bigger story.

In case you, you lucky duck, happened to miss all the glam and glitz of Oscar night, including Rock’s Bush quacks, let me give you a summary.

After pondering over how Bush got reelected, Rock said: Now just imagine you worked at the Gap.

You’re $70 trillion behind on your register, and then you start a war with Banana Republic, cause you say they got toxic tank tops over there. You have the war, people are dying —a thousand GAP employees are dead. That’s right—bleeding all over the khakis. You finally take over Banana Republic and you find out they never made toxic tank tops in the first place.

Now, that is pretty funny and maybe a little offensive. But because I encourage funniness, I want to help Rock carry on this analogy. Here we go.

Let’s say the GAP did wage war against the Banana Republic. Turns out, the CEO of the Banana Republic is committing genocide on his own employees and then burying the bodies underneath major stores. Not surprisingly, many current employees are tired of the tyranny at the workplace and therefore want a new CEO and Board of Directors. The GAP also happens to know that the Banana Republic is using money and its employees to attack the GAP and other smaller stores, including Ross and maybe Payless. You see, the GAP isn’t the only bully in this commercial analogy. Banana Republic is looking pretty guilty as well.

Enough of that. I don’t do politics very well and frankly I am tired of typing the words Banana

Republic. But just one more thing: If Rock and any other funny, funny people can’t accept the fact that Bush won by an overwhelming majority of the vote, they should consider shopping at another store, maybe one that suits them a little bit better. Perhaps, Baby GAP.

Valerie Rojas, a junior journalism major, is editorial director of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at skalivornia@hotmail.com.