Jessica Bell
Web Editor
Kady Bell
Arts Editor

“You won’t be sad but you won’t be satisfied…”
–Ryan Star

As two rock ‘n’ roll loving babes living without the luxury of cable, we take music where we can get it, mostly in large doses.

We have been known to “whop, whop” in unison with the audience of “Showtime at the Apollo,” to boogie on down with the scantily clad dancers on “Soul Train” and even to guess “tha Rolla” on “Vivo,” the late-night Latino youth music show associated with “Mundo” on the WB.

This summer, “Rock Star: Supernova” pleased our musically apt ears if not our hearts, which New York-based artist Ryan Star pocketed when Tommy Lee, a.k.a the Axe-man, sent him the way of the Dodo Bird several weeks ago.

Fulfilling as it was to watch Star take the stage again on Sept. 12 for an encore presentation of the original tune “Back of Your Car,” we felt a collective “EVS”-like dissatisfaction with the culmination of rock ‘n’ roll’s 11-week answer to “American Idol.”

“Rock Star” presented 15 of the world’s finest unsigned rockers with the chance of a musical lifetime; forcing them to duke it out in proper rock ‘n’ roll fashion for the opportunity to front the potential “super” group Supernova, composed of unstable Motley Crüe drummer Lee, one-time Guns ‘N’ Roses guitarist Gilby Clarke and Metallica outcast Jason Newsted.
It was truly a wonder that these three heavy metal hitters teamed up in the first place, especially since they seemingly desired completely different qualities in a front man or woman.

Whereas Lee yearned for little more than a shapely body to gaze upon while perched behind his drum set, Clarke was actually focused on finding a rocker with talent enough to raise the band to legendary, rather than one-hit wonder status, and Newsted rightly had his mind set on a James Hetfield clone.

Astonishingly enough, the band was able to reach a cohesive decision, naming Canadian street punk Lukas Rossi the official winner of what host Brook Burke deemed “the gig of a lifetime” and cementing its questionable fate in rock history.

However, our enthusiasm for the show took a lead zeppelin-esque dive on the night of Star’s elimination, as we realized he was deliberately making the most of what would become his final competitive performance.

Jumping on top of an amplifier.

Cracking open a bottle of bubbly.

Screaming more than singing with a desperate, “I’m going home tonight” glint in his eyes.

Despite efforts to stay afloat, he was casually dismissed.

Meanwhile, the less-talented Storm Large survived to see another “Rock Star” day, eventually debuting her original song “What the What is Ladylike” and leaving us wondering where the where she had picked up her unimpressive composition skills and when the when Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback” days had become something to aspire to.

Rossi proved lethal from the start, making heads spin and earning early fan fervor, as well as our votes. But Star was on top — of pianos, amplifiers and our world —just one acoustic-driven performance of R.E.M’s “Losing My Religion” later.

Though Supernova obviously failed to recognize his talent, two record companies quickly invested in his future, releasing his new album — a collection of originals and live recordings from the show appropriately titled “Dark Horse”— on Tuesday.

Hopefully, Rossi will lift the band out of the time warp it inadvertently slipped into when pre-recording its upcoming album, elevating a sound only comparable to 1980s hair band Poison into modern times.

But, truth be told, Supernova’s destiny is as unpredictable as Rossi’s spiky hair.

So far, not even the trio’s identity is a go, as they were recently mandated
to change their name in response to a copyright lawsuit.

After hearing several doses of new material, including the potential non-hit “Be Yourself and Five Other Clichés,” we deem it highly unlikely that the band formerly known as Supernova will live up to predestined acclaim.
Surprisingly, our votes, telepathic messages and altogether willful thinking played no role in Supernova’s final decision.

Aussie Toby Rand’s simple catch phrase “EVS,” slang for “whatever,” says it all. Star deserved to win more than a Honda CR-V and a Verizon Wireless Chocolate phone.

Jessica Bell, a senior communications major, is web editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at ledjessilin@yahoo.com.

Kady Bell, a senior communications major, is arts editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at rzezna65@yahoo.com.