WANTED: Provost and Vice President of Academic Affairs for small but highly regarded private university in Southern California. Decent salary. Benefits available. Minority applicants encouraged.

Required Qualifications:

•Earned doctorate from an accredited institution.

•Eligible for position of full professor at this institution.

•At least five years experience of academic administration at or above the level of dean.

•Willingness to tackle challenging problems and make difficult decisions, not just sit behind a big desk and try to look important.

•Leadership experience at a similar institution with undergraduate and graduate programs offered to traditional and non-traditional college students.

•Record of successful teaching in higher education and a distinguished record of scholarship and publication.

•Strong leadership skills, people skills, strategic vision and an ability to act in a wise, timely and decisive manner.

•A high degree of integrity and place strong emphasis on such values as honesty, sensibility, sensitivity and overall professionalism.

•Must have major objections to the fact that two thirds of student housing is without air conditioning.

•The ability to spot, from a mile away, bureaucratic BS, shortsightedness, greed and anything else that may threaten the quality of life of students, faculty, staff and the community at large, and must make it his or her solemn duty to never, under any circumstances, become a puppet, shill, scapegoat, patsy, slave, sellout or any other such role in service to interests, both inside and outside, that entertain plans that could threaten, jeopardize or otherwise screw over the future of the school and the people who are a part of it.

•Pass background check, including criminal record, driving record, voting record, drug test, family history, literacy test, archery contest, chili cook-off, riding a unicycle while juggling chainsaws, etc.

•Must have no objections to the colors green, orange, or any combinations of the two.

•Remember that, in this case, Leo is short for leopard, not another name for lion.

•Willingness to work in a building that is showing visible signs of aging and has almost as many electrical gremlins as a 1960s British automobile.

•Reluctance to give any departments, especially those in the arts and sciences branches, unfair or biased treatment, regardless of how much some suck up to the candidate.

•Have the cajones to question the wisdom and/or motives of decisions made by other executives, such as management’s apparent obsession over spending reduction and simultaneous lack of interest in increasing fundraising.

•Overall commitment to standing up for and putting his or her heart and soul into what is best for this institution and its people, regardless of what threats, incentives or other corrupting influences are sent his or her way.
Screening of applications will begin Nov. 15 and continues until the position is filled. If you are selected to fill this position, don’t worry: We’ll have our people call your people.