Valerie Rojas
Editorial Director

I haven’t felt like myself lately. Usually a pretty upbeat person, I have had my share of disappointment, uncertainty and sadness as of late. At the risk of sounding like a bad country song, Mr. Uranga, I’m going to explain why.

You see, for the last five years I have had a close-knit group of friends. Best friends. Throughout high school and the first few college years, there has been nothing but good times between the four of us.

Sure, we’ve had our share of quarrels and disappointments but for the most part, we moved on, stayed close as ever and made our friendship stronger.

One of these pals in particular, was especially close to me. We were the two that always found ourselves in some sort of hysterical trouble while our other buddies watched from the sidelines. We were the Lucy and Ethel. We looked, acted and sounded alike. We worked and played together. She was my twinsie and without a doubt my best friend.

Now, I know you are probably just as sick of reading columns about change as I am, but one more won’t kill us.

Something really has changed during the last few months. I don’t know if it was her or me or the both of us. But things have not been the same between us. We blame it on growing up and growing apart and that whole spiel, but that doesn’t make it any better. Or any easier to deal with.

I admit it. Sometimes I can be really hard to get along with. I tend to hold grudges, especially toward the people that are supposed to be the closest to me. And when that happens, I tend to act a little weird, perhaps a little coldly, toward these people.

And I know that I have definitely held a grudge toward my pal for a few reasons, although none come to mind as I type this.

Whenever this friend and I would get together with our other buddies, something would happen that would result in some sort of awkwardness between the two of us.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time that our friendship started to dissolve, but it has been falling apart for a while now.

But just a few days ago, it definitely bottomed out.

There have been some problems at work and basically, they have left me a little upset and hurt. I’ve dealt with them and reminded myself that I never planned to make a career out of a mall job. These problems resulted in even more division between my twinsie and me.

Last week, we got into the biggest fight we have had and it ended with me crying in a bathroom stall wondering if she’d show up at my future wedding.

I haven’t talked to her since and I know that I probably should.

I’ve heard that whole speech about making amends today because who knows what could happen tomorrow, but the stubborn part of me really isn’t ready to contact her and attempt to fix things between us.

There is another part of me that really misses our friendship and the hilarities that resulted.

But something’s also telling me to say screw it and leave it behind. I know things have changed between us and they probably won’t revert back to the good ol’ days.

Maybe it really is time to grow up and just say goodbye to this friendship even if it kills me to do so. That’s life, right?

Valerie Rojas, a junior journalism major, is editorial director of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at skalivornia@hotmail.com.