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Nila Priyambodo
Editor in Chief
No. It seems like such a simple word. It’s only two letters long and only one syllable. Yet to me, saying “no” is almost equivalent to saying a profanity. I just can’t bring myself to say this taboo word.
This is not a problem only I have. According to a USA Today article by Judy Mandell titled “Saying no can be a positive,” many people are in the same boat as me.
The article quoted social psychologist Susan Newman, who wrote “The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It – and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever”: “The rest of us have difficulty saying no to our children, no to relationships that aren’t working, no to our bosses or to the friend who wants to borrow our brand-new car.”
Newman adds that “it often seems easier to say yes or slide along with the status quo. In the long run it isn’t.”
I can no longer count the number of times I have said yes, when I really wanted to say no. For instance, I’m often asked to stay a little longer than I’m supposed to at work, whether it’s 10, 15 or 30 minutes later than my scheduled time. Sometimes it’s just until the other receptionist arrives.
They ask me, and at first I hesitate because I realize that I have class in about an hour. I stand there with a pondering look on my face and usually reply with, “Well, I don’t know.” Then they give me that look of desperation, afraid that no one will be there to take the important messages for the lawyers. After what seems like a decade of awkward silence, I say yes hoping to ease the tension in the room.
According to the USA Today article, psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum said, “Most people hate confrontations – and that includes rudeness and discomfort that comes from saying no to somebody.”
It’s during times like these where it seems like saying yes is the easiest way out when in fact it really isn’t. Okay, so I might be helping them out by staying just a few minutes later, but it’s not relieving any stress from me.
In turn, I have to hurry and change out of my work clothes to my school clothes, drive recklessly to school, find parking in a place where it seems like the only available spot is the alley behind Circle K and walk to class, all while hoping I won’t be late.
On top of the extra hours at work, I’m saying yes to everyone else. I get voicemail messages from friends calling me for favors at the last minute or family members asking me to run one of their errands or classmates asking me for help with one of their assignments. What do I say? You got it. I say yes.
Don’t get me wrong. Most of the time I really don’t mind going to the supermarket and picking up a gallon of milk or driving a stranded friend because her car is in the shop or even going to the mall to pick up a last minute gift because my boss forgot her friend’s birthday.
But at times it can be a little too much for me. Sometimes I take on more than I can handle. I end up getting stressed over it, panicking to find the time to do it all and losing sleep just to get everything finished and straightened out.
I’m only trying to help others, but along the way I’m only hurting myself. Because of this, people tend to think I’m a pushover. They think I don’t have a spine and that I can’t stand up for myself.
Believe me; I don’t want to be one of the yes-men in the world. I want to be able to say no. But my reasoning is that if I was asking a friend for a favor, I would want him or her to say yes. So I figured that if I say yes, they will one day return that favor.
After all, that’s what friends and families are for. They are there on your ups, downs and everything in between.
Nila Priyambodo, a senior journalism major, is editor in chief of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at npriyambodo@ulv.edu. |
