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Hope for the Grammys?

by Taylor Kingsbury
Staff Writer

The post-Grammy hype has now subsided, yet one troubling question remains on the minds of viewers and attendees alike: where was Janet Jackson?

Who cares? After her ludicrously over-analyzed publicity stunt at Super Bowl XXXVIII, some people apparently forgot that no one really gives a crap about Janet Jackson anymore, thus making her absence from the Grammy telecast far from extraordinary.

Aside from the over-emphasis on Janet’s no-show, and Justin Timberlake’s continued ridiculous insinuation that his exposure of Jackson’s breast at the Super Bowl was not staged, much of this year’s telecast was, in fact, so good that it was easy to forget we were watching the Grammys.

The show’s producers apparently adopted a novel concept for this year’s outing: having actual musicians perform at their music awards show.

Though now largely ignored by mainstream music culture, Prince proved himself to be far from absent with his explosive opening performance; though I suppose having a goddess like Beyonce on stage with him added to the appeal.

The White Stripes did what they do so well: freaking rocked.

It undoubtedly caused at least a few academy members to turn to each other and ask, “We voted for these guys?”

Unfortunately, the Foo Fighters demonstrated that you can’t do much to improve a perfect song when they were joined by Chick Corea –for no apparent reason – to perform a curiously underwhelming rendition of “Times Like These;” or, as Snoop Dogg announced it, “Times Like Three.”

However, the Foos’ were awarded the Best Rock Album trophy for their absolutely magnificent “One By One,” indicating that this year’s judges actually listened to the records before they voted on them.

Though over-exposure has soured the taste of OutKast, “Speakerboxx/The Love Below” was certainly a competent choice for Album of the Year.

Still, there were plenty of true Grammy moments to remind us how dreadful the whole affair really is at heart.

Sting milked his favorite street-walker’s memory yet again with a highly unnecessary and not quite timely rendition of “Roxanne,” joined this time by Sean Paul, who added a strange new aura to the track with his singing.

At least I think he was singing; I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.

Speaking of not understanding a word, did they really need to dust off Yoko Ono for her tearful tribute to John Lennon?
It’s interesting that they would choose the woman who broke up the Beatles to pay homage to their legacy.

The music of Dave Matthews bears no resemblance to that of the Beatles, so he seemed an odd choice for the all-star jam session performance of “I Saw Her Standing There.”

Perhaps it is then fitting that he would then flub the words “I saw her dancing there?”

A now jobless sound technician allowed several audio flaws to drown out some presenters, and during one performance, accomplished the seemingly impossible task of making Celine Dion even more unpleasant to listen to.

And as always, despite some fine choices, the voters still proved just how little they know about good music, even contradicting themselves with some picks.

I find it curious that the same group of people could present OutKast with multiple awards, including Best Rap Album, then praise such audio sodomy as Nelly’s “Shake Ya Tailfeather” and Missy Elliot’s “Work It.”

Most blasphemous was the Best New Artist bestowing of Evanescence. Considering that two of the artists competing against them have been around for the better part of decade, Evanescence certainly had the “New” thing going for them, but I am highly skeptical about the “Artist” part.

Frontwoman and only member anyone cares about, Amy Lee, was apparently just as perplexed as I was by the band’s success, claiming “without [the fans], they would never put a chick with a piano on alternative radio.”

That’s funny, because I seem to remember a slew of chicks with pianos who dominated the charts in the mid 90s. Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, Sarah McLachlan and Alanis Morrissette all helped kick the door down for bands like Evanescence.

Sorry, Amy, you’re no “chick with a piano,” and the only reason anyone knows who you are is because you are a safer and cuter alternative to the slew of sweaty metal-for-dummies bands competing for the same chunk of 15 minutes as you.

Next time, let’s do a little more research into the history of our genre before we go on live television spouting Lavigne-isms, okay?

In her defense, however, Lee was surely distracted by the pompous and untalented baboon known as 50 Cent, who idiotically strolled across the stage after losing the award to Evanescence. Don’t worry, 50, if Nelly can win a Grammy, your day will come too.

Despite these gaffes, this year’s outing was the most enjoyable Grammy ceremony in recent memory.

Coupled with Norah Jones’s dominance at last year’s show, it seems we are finally moving into an era where true talent will replace image as the primary selling point for pop music.

Okay, you’re right. But it’s a good idea, isn’t it?

Taylor Kingsbury, a senior journalism major, is a columnist for the Campus Times. He can be reached by e-mail at happyendingrocks@hotmail.com.