Is love really a promise?

by Jaclyn Roco
Editor in Chief

Love is definitely over-rated. And before you roll your eyes and groan, "Great, not another 'complain about your relationship column'," I ask you to hear me out (especially to those of you who have been telling me to lighten up my pep talks).

I've been with my boyfriend for four years; yep, all the way through college.

And for those of you who remember my last column on this same subject, yes it is the same guy.

So kudos to me.

I've surpassed most of the hurdles that have been in my way, especially the dreaded third year ­ the year rumored to be the worst a relationship can ever face.

I've weathered my boyfriend's tantrums, his impatience with the way I supposedly nag him, his baby days where he claims to be dying while suffering a common cold.

(Why is it that men are such babies when it comes to common illnesses? No wonder they are not intended to have babies.)

I've held his hand through midnight surgery and through a death of someone dear in his life.

But, the most memorable of everything I've gone through with him is the day he gave me his promise of trust and hopein the form of a promise ring.

Although not as permanent as an engagement ring would be, his ring was a gesture.

He was asking me to have faith in him, and until this day I do.

And yet I cannot help but wonder

I'm only 21, and there must be more to life than being with the same somebody through what are supposedly the best years of my life.

While everyone else I know are free to pursue all-nighters and free-reign over the pick-up bars, I diligently finish my homework and proceed to get as much stuff out of the way while in my dorm room.

Okay, so there are advantages of being promised to someone.

I never have to worry about going stag on Valentine's Day, and of course my mind rarely veers off my studies because I always have someone to count on to support me.

However, I seem to have a tattoo on my forehead that reads "Taken" every time I go clubbing with my friends. And I personally don't know why this bothers me so much.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm no longer considered an individual. Or maybe it's just because I'm not allowed to do many of the things that others can do.

For example, I can't just go out with my girl friends and do anything I want. I can't talk to some other guy either without feeling stupidI guess I've lost my "mojo" ­ my confidence -- having been with the same guy for so long.

But the one thing I really want to gripe about is my worries over if this relationship will go anywhere.

Four years, after all, is a very long time, and I will be so mad if these years were spent for nothing.

Okay, maybe that sounded wrong, but I just can't help but feel apprehensive about the what ifs that lurk out there.

What if we break up anytime soon? What if I do something stupid to jeopardize the relationship, or worse still, what if he does? What if my relationship ends because I have to move elsewhere to get a job?

Or what if I meet somebody else?

(Well, that won't happen unless my invisible tattoo is removed from my forehead.)

I guess I'm just scared of the permanence that this ring could mean. I don't plan on getting married until I'm 27 at least, and I'm curious as to if this relationship can last until then.

And then there's the fact that I don't want to lose my boyfriend if something does happen to break us apart.

He is my best friend as well as somebody I care very deeply about. If I lose him in all ways possible, I end up losing part of myself; he was, after all, there for me mostly everyday of my college years.

So yeah. Love is over-rated. But then again, what isn't?

I guess I just have to trust this promise to last, that's all.

Jaclyn Roco, a senior journalism major, is editor in chief of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at rocojax@yahoo.com.