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Getting cyber-connected

by Taylor Kingsbury
Staff Writer

Hi ppl! No, u r not catching mstks in the Campus Times. I've just been spndng time in chat rooms lately, where every1 uses drstc abrev. 2 communic8.

Welcome to cyberspace, where proper grammar is a waste of keystrokes, and sentences like, "Why you not talking fer" are perfectly acceptable and understandable.

Chat rooms bring together people from all walks of life and all parts of the world for the free expression of ideas, hopes and aspirations.

OK, you're right. I can't say that with a straight face either.

Most of the chatters I found on the net were more interested in the opportunity to engage in phone sex without having to worry about getting charged $5 a minute. These freaks seemed to misunderstand my screen name, apparently thinking that Verse 22022 was an abbreviation for "type dirty to me, baby."

For these dirty-minded chatters, the excessive abbreviations and codes seem to be a means to simplify typing so as to keep one hand free during chat sessions. LOL.

In fact, during my several visits to various rooms, it was nearly impossible to get my fellow chatters to type about anything but their genitals, or mine.

In Yahoo Chat's "Generation X" room, most chatters ignored my general "hello," apparently deeply engrossed in their heated dialogues about the issues of the day.

Intelligent people, too, this group. Superman declares "tampax!" to which Farsyde adds "tampon."

Silencerx3fmt joins soon after, eloquently inquiring, "any horny ladies want to chat with a big d**k Latin?" Cl**_tease simply answers, "I farted."

I switch to the "Amusement and Theme Parks" room. I exchange pleasantries with Shy, a 20 year-old Oregonian. We chat nicely for a few minutes before Kikikins398 chimes in.

Kiki informs us that user Disneydaydream has taken a bathroom break, explaining, "She had to take a poo poo."

When the user returns, Kiki wants to know, "What color was it, Disney?"

With so much thought-provoking conversation to be shared, it's no wonder that I found some familiar names nearly 12 hours later when I checked back in.

Though I'm sure the majority of those I interacted with were humans, I had to look disturbingly hard to find any sort of humanity.

Finding Yahoo's chat rooms to be a bust, I checked out collegechat.com, hoping to find a little older and wiser group. Though Enter_my_pu** is well-spoken when she contacts me, her screen name makes her intentions all to clear, and before long, I am politely excusing myself.

I decide to give Spinchat.com a try, and though it takes me a while, I fare much better there.

First, I encounter Dirty_kittykat, who tells me she is 15, before adding, "This kitty gets dirty."

"I'm too old for you, Kitty," I respond. When I tell her I have to go, she gives me her e-mail address and says I better write.

I ask why would she want a complete stranger sending her e-mails, and she tells me it is because we are friends.

I'm not sure which of the four sentences we exchanged cemented our union, so I tell Kitty she won't be hearing from me.

Edwinacurrie brashly declares that "Americans are fat, lazy and not all that bright." I tell her that she shouldn't generalize like that, and then I ask where she is from.

When she answers Denmark, I express interest in what it is like, since I have never been there. Edwina only tells me I'm a "typical American, know only about U.S."

Nakedh00ker says hello, and promptly asks me, "How big u d**k?" When I don't answer, she clarifies, adding "I give blow jobs." "Good for you," I reply. Naked is offended, telling me, "U have problems." I have to remind the H00ker, "I'm not the one offering blow jobs to complete strangers on the Internet."

Ghost_rider is the coolest person I encounter on the mission, and in fact, the only guy who continues having a conversation with me after finding out I'm male too.

He tells me he's a 26-year old systems administrator from Portugal, and we discuss the upcoming "Ghost Rider" film with Nicolas Cage. He logs off intermittently, explaining each time he returns, "My boss came in; that was close."

The most curious chat room I came across in my research was Amish Chat. The room, by the way, was empty.

While there is something liberating about the anonymity of chat room discussions, we have all seen enough "Internet romance" murders on the news to know that meeting people online is not the best idea in the world.

While I will never encounter any of those I spoke with again, it is important for less stable chatters to know the dangers of such interaction.

So, be careful whom you chat with and what you tell them.

And, if you must engage in online sex, do so safely. Wear rubber gloves while you type.

Taylor Kingsbury, a junior journalism major, is a staff writer of the Campus Times. He can be reached by e-mail at happyendingrocks@hotmail.com.