by Taylor Kingsbury
Columnist
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Campus Times
December 10, 2004
So, this is my final column for the Campus Times, and I could waste the whole thing talking about myself or relating how much I have enjoyed my tenure here.
I could even just tear Morrissey apart for re-releasing his less than a year-old record with bonus tracks and a DVD, thus forcing his hardcore fans that bought it the day it originally came out to shell out another 18 bucks. It’s a good thing I hate you, Morrissey, and I wouldn’t buy your crappy records no matter how many bonus tracks you put on them. Otherwise I’d be really mad at you, you pompous, pretentious, narcissistic jackass.
But, there are many others who are far more important than me and Moz, and with my last few inches, I would like to recognize those who have facilitated my ongoing contribution to this publication with my most sincere and loving thanks.
Thank you to my ever-incredible parents, who have supported me in all of my endeavors, no matter how psychotic most of them have been. Seriously, kids, if you think I’m a handful as a columnist, imagine having me as a son. Thanks Mom and Dad, because if I’m a decent person at all, I know that you guys are responsible for that. Oh, yeah, and thanks for the $80,000 too. I love you guys.
Thank you to my consummately amazing girlfriend, who is far more brilliant and resilient than anyone will ever give her credit for, including herself. Thank you for being there to lift my spirits, no matter how hard life kicks me in the nuts. You are a remarkable woman, and I am honored to bask in your warmth. I love you, baby.
Thank you to Dr. George Keeler, the best teacher I have ever had, for always putting his students first and for being a true example of the power of education. Following your example, I intend to get my masters and pursue teaching later in my life, because if I can help one student as much as you have helped me, and many others, I know now that I can make a tremendous impact.
Thank you to Elizabeth Zwerling for allowing the countless atrocities I have committed to print run in the publication she oversees. You haven’t always agreed with me, but you’ve provided me a forum to get my inane rants published, and I am tremendously grateful for the impact this has had on my life and career. I only hope my future employers will be as generous and understanding as you.
Thank you to Mike Laponis for never pulling the plug on my microphone while I was on the air. You have allowed me to continuously push the envelope, but your example has consistently kept me in check. The fondness and esteem you place on broadcasting is an inspiration to all.
Thank you to Don Pollock, for nurturing the creativity and potential in your students. You can be a gruff bastard, dude, but ultimately, that’s why we love and respect you. I only hope that someday I can be half the teacher you are.
Thank you to the editors and staff of the Campus Times, past and present, for their continued support, encouragement and understanding.
Big ups to K-Todd, too. I know I’ll never write as well as you, and, damn, that’s frustrating, but at least I have a standard to aspire too. You rock, dude. Hit me up; we’ll go get a beer.
Thank you to Andy. You’ve been my brother for more years than I can count, and thanks to you, I know that sometimes a game of Madden can be the most therapeutic thing in the world. I know we’ll be friends until the end, and I hope you come to hell with me, cause if you don’t, who will I jam with? After dinner mints for life, dude.
Thank you to Joy, one of the finest human beings I’ve ever known, and the best drummer I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching spin their craft. Creating music is like making love, and you’re a demon in the sack, brother. I hope we’ll be able to rock on for many more years.
Thank you to Aaron, for helping me create a masterpiece. You’re the most talented artist I’ve ever known, and a hell of a composer to boot. Les Fables has already changed both of our lives, and I hope when it comes out, it will change others. I’m gonna miss you and Kelly when you move, dude.
Thank you to Lindsay, for helping me through the hardest times of my life. I know that no matter what happens, you will always have my back, and I owe you so much for that. We’re not always the best of friends, but when it counts, there’s no one else in world I’d rather have on my side.
Thank you to Matt, for….. Dude, just thanks for being you. You rock so hard that you’re practically death metal, even though I know you’d rather be as smooth as Dino. Don’t worry, you do both, man.
Thank you to my extended family at Rhino for making my job a home away from home. For the past three years, I have had the privilege of saying that I enjoy going to work, and I know how rare and special that is. I love you all.
Thank you to my peers for allowing me to be inspired by such a richly diverse and talented group of people. I know I’ll never see most of you again, and that’s probably good for you, but each of you have had some impact on my life and work.
Thank you, the readers, for caring what an obnoxious, opinionated college student has to say about the world of entertainment. Or maybe you didn’t care. But it doesn’t matter to me, you read it anyway.
And finally, thank you to the University of La Verne for allowing me to purchase a diploma. I know that I am emerging from this institution a better man than when I came in, and with or without that piece of paper, the knowledge I have assimilated here will stay with me for the rest of my life.
And so, I bid a fond farewell to ULV. I know you’re probably expecting me to close with a joke, but I think the fact that a guy that hates everything has spent this time praising everybody is kind of funny in itself.
Goodbye, kids.
Taylor Kingsbury, a senior journalism major, is a columnist for the Campus Times. He can be reached by e-mail at happyendingrocks@hotmail.com.