Voting for who you hate least
Campus Times
November 1, 1996
by Christie Reed
Editor in Chief
Fifteen reasons to vote for Bill Clinton:
1. He actually chooses to eat at McDonald's.
2. He jogs while eating McDonald's.
3. He uses Pearl Brite toothpaste to keep his pearly whites bright and shiny.
4. He can answer a question without actually answering a question.
5. He can turn the largest tax hike in American history into a necessary
step for the future and well-being of America.
6. He can create emotional personal accounts off the top of his head.
7. He did not inhale, but he would if he had the chance to do it over again.
8. He has a more exciting love life than a lot of the college students I
know.
9. He does not know the Constitution or the Gettysburg Address, but knows
the Friday night television lineup.
10. He will deploy troops to a high school brawl if it will make him look
like a courageous Commander in Chief.
11. He is a man of many words that do not say much of anything.
12. He established the first husband and wife presidency in United States
history.
13. Keeps Eleanor Roosevelt as a close, personal adviser.
14. Understands the value of making land deals with friends.
15. He plays the saxophone in his free time.
Fifteen reasons to vote for Bob Dole:
1. He still thinks it is the 1950s.
2. He believes that the Dodgers still reside in Brooklyn.
3. He is three years older than God.
4. You want to give him a big grandpa hug.
5. He went to school with your grandparents.
6. He is a man of his word, when he is not stumbling over them.
7. He can answer a question without actually answering the question.
8. He plans to build a bridge to the future while remaining in the past.
9. Peace, love and understanding echo throughout his mind.
10. At least he can claim senility when he screws up.
11. He is named after a fruit company.
12. Personal experience with the Great Depression allows him to understand
Generation X angst.
13. He does not dance like Boris Yeltsin.
14. He talks about himself in the third person.
15. He was a 'C' student in high school and he is a presidential candidate.
Let's face it. If you look into the past and delve into the lives of our
two prominent presidential candidates, there is enough mud to line the Grand
Canyon. Dole is too old and Clinton is tax-happy. By the time all of the
ads have graced television screens all over America, one can create a lengthy
list of reasons why both candidates are not qualified to run the United
States, but not why they are.
Frustration with negative ad campaigns leaves voters indifferent. Ross Perot
is sounding more and more like a great presidential candidate.
It makes me want to sit back and laugh at the bumper stickers that scream
"Dole/Kemp" and "Clinton/Gore." How many people who
line their vehicles with this propaganda really know why they are voting
for either candidate? Is it just a matter of who they hate the least?
I started to list all of the things that make Dole the better candidate
for president, but there are so many more things that repulse me about Clinton.
At the same time, they both have flaws, just like any human being. So what
if Clinton had a stint with marijuana? What '60s flower child did not? So
what if Dole still thinks that a bottle of pop is 5 cents-does this really
affect his perception of reality?
Now that the election is less than a week away, it is time to question your
convictions. Are you just voting for a candidate because of his party affiliation?
His public-speaking ability? Or because you hate him the least?
I have decided it is better to leave the mud in the hogpen and uncover the
issues that are hiding behind the filth. It is just too easy to pick sides
based upon a gleaming facade.
Christie Reed, a junior journalism major, is editor in chief of the Campus
Times. She can be reached by e-mail at reedc@ulvacs.ulaverne.edu.