Sticking to the challenge
Campus Times
September 19, 1997
I will be the first to admit that my lifelong motto has been "Guys
are jerks." With the exception of a select few, most guys have told
this to have become very offended, and I am quick to assure them not to
take it personally, that it is not their fault they were born a male. Every
time I have been stood up, broken up with or hurt in any other way, I have
pitied myself, believing I did not deserve it, nor did I see it coming.
Until now, I had not considered why some guys treated girls so badly,
or better yet, why girls put up with it.
No matter how many times my ex-boyfriends lied, manipulated or flaked
out on me, I always seemed to go back for more. I forgave and forgot and
continued to let it happen.
I think most guys have had a different drive instilled into their brains.
It seems to be whatever they can get away with, whatever benefits them,
they must go for. If that means having a girlfriend and three more on the
side, so be it, just as long as they do not get caught.
Now, do not get me wrong. This does not apply to all guys, just the
ones I have been interested in or gone out with. And that is what I am trying
to get at. I hear of these "great relationships" and "wonderful
marriages" and I think, where are these truly terrific men? But, in
actuality I do not want the "nice guys."
As a means of excusing why I never date the nice guys, I have always
labeled them as "too nice." They just were not "my type."
So what is my type? My type is the guy who shows just a little bit of interest,
or maybe even none at all. The guy who is not quick to pay a lot of attention
to me, but who throws me a bone every once in a while. He is the guy I try
and drop hints to, who I eventually have to throw myself at, making a fool
of myself. My type of guy is the one who holds every quality that I despise.
He is the guy that fits the mold of a "jerk."
What can I say? I like the challenge. I enjoy the initial game playing
and the flirting. But then there comes the point when I finally decide if
this guy is worth caring about, beyond just being interested.
And that is when I get hurt. I expect my feelings to be reciprocated
and for the game playing to stop on both sides. When they do not come to
a halt, I say the boy is an insensitive, selfish jerk, but isn't he the
same boy playing the same games he has been playing all along?
My mom says there are the boys you date, and the boys you marry. The
ones I date are the jerks and the nice guys are the marrying type. Unfortunately,
if my dating experience continues to carry the same kind of record it does
now, I am afraid I will never take my chances with the nice guys. It will
be too late and I will be too burnt out to continue dating. And who is to
blame for our heartache? We are, girls! We accept it and we yearn for it.
Maybe the initial excitement makes up for all the pain.
When I do finally accept the fact that the guy is no good, and the game
finally ends, I mope around and take pity on myself, listening to all of
my friends and family tell me that I deserve better. But it is a vicious
cycle, and by time the next guy comes along, I have long forgotten all the
signs to look for that I am being messed with.
So, I guess it is time to stop putting all the blame on the "jerky
guys." If I am going to put up with it, I need to take some responsibility
for letting myself get hurt. Maybe one day I will stop torturing myself
and I will attempt to give a nice guy a chance, but for now, I will continue
to pursue the challenge.
Jennifer Parsons, a sophomore journalism major, is arts and entertainment
editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at parsonsj@ulv.edu.
