Rape survivor tells tale of horror
Campus Times
March 20, 1998
Katie Koestner broke her protective wall of silence about a date rape
she suffered and has begun lecturing at high schools and colleges. Koestner
wishes to raise young people's awareness of the dangers of date rape and
how to protect themselves. The 25-year-old Koestner spoke in Founders Auditorium
Monday.
Katie Koestner addressed the point directly Monday night.
"What is rape? There is no definition in your handbook of sexual
assault or rape. What is consent? Is it silence? Is consent, 'I asked her
19 times, she said no every time, but the 20th time she said, 'Fine get
it over with,'?" said Koestner.
Rape is a crime of power and control. It is a crime which its victims
have no other choice but to live with. It is an issue that has long been
known to exist but is seldom spoken about, especially by the victims themselves.
Date rape survivor Koestner came to the University of La Verne to tell
her story and bring awareness of the issue. The focus of her presentation
was to teach others how to handle a situation such as hers, whether they
or a friend have been raped.
The evening was organized by Iota Delta Sorority, which co-sponsored
the event along with the Associated Student Forum, President Stephen Morgan
and the Dean of Student Affairs Dr. Loretta Rahmani.
Iota Delta felt that it was necessary to bring a speaker on such a touchy
subject. Two years ago, one of their own members was raped in her own dorm
room on campus.
With an audience of about 60 students and staff, the speech began at
7 p.m. in Founders Auditorium, where she was welcomed with warm applause
after an introduction from Iota Delta member Kimbley Craig.
The presentation, entitled "Yes/No," began with Koestner describing
her tragic ordeal. She explained how she first met the man who would later
be her rapist. The incident began in 1991, after her first few weeks of
entering college at William and Mary in Virginia.
She met and began seeing a fellow student by the name of Peter. One
night they went out on a date to a local restaurant for a hopeful romantic
evening. Having had Peter in her dorm room before, she felt comfortable
inviting him in after the date.
After spending some time dancing to a tape Koestner had made earlier,
Peter tried to undress her. She stopped him, so instead he undressed himself.
Koestner began to force herself away from Peter and fled to the other
side of the room. Peter soon managed to pin her to the ground and began
to undress her.
Thinking the worst was about to begin, Koestner was able to get away
after yelling at Peter to get off her.
After an argument, Peter fell asleep on Koestner's bed as she stayed
awake pondering about what had just happened.
The next morning, Peter awoke with a sincere apology for his actions
the night before.
"He apologized to me and told me that he would never do anything
like that to me again. I believed him and so I forgave him," she said.
Koestner, exhausted from staying awake the entire night, fell asleep
on her bed.
She awoke finding Peter on top of her, kissing her. Koestner pleaded
him to stop but he did not. That morning, she was raped.
"The hardest part of speaking in public is retelling my experience,"
Koestner said.
She recalls the first time she spoke publicly about her ordeal describing
it as "not good because I was nervous about speaking to a large crowd,
but to tell the story of what happened to me, I could see it happening again
instead of speaking about it."
The presentation ended before 9 p.m. and was followed by a workshop
in the C-Top Building of the Oaks Residence Hall. There, she answered questions
and discussed how to cope with and support someone who has been raped.
She also explained what procedures should be done once someone has been
raped. Some involve obtaining a rape kit to help show the victim whether
they received any diseases and to gather evidence of sexual intercourse.
Koestner said, "There are many people out in the world like me.
They all have gone through the same thing I have and they should not go
through the suffering alone."
Koestner, 25, is a resident of Philadelphia and has been a guest speaker
for the past three and a half years. The majority of her presentations are
at colleges and high schools. She focuses mainly on date/acquaintance rape.
She has been featured on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "Geraldo,"
"Primetime" and has an HBO documentary film entitled "No
Visible Bruises: The Katie Koestner Story."
"Her speech was very intense and was like a wake up call in order
to tell me to look out for myself. A rapist is not always a stranger hiding
in the bushes," said freshman Carolina Franco.
As in Koestner's case, it was by a man who she thought of as "Prince
Charming."
Koestner found emotional support from close friends and finds comfort
from talking to other victims of rape.
"I believe that victims should stick together. It is easier to
express your feelings and emotions because they know exactly what you are
going through."
Unfortunately, Koestner found little support from her parents who have
repressed her experience by not bringing it up.
"I called my parents. My dad got on the phone and I told him I
had been raped. He said 'Well, how did the guy get in to your room? Did
he break down the door, bust your locks?' I said, 'No Dad, he's another
student, we went out for dinner and I invited him over after.'
"Do you know how long a dial tone lasts? It's a long time, maybe
seven years. My mom said I was damaged goods and I'd never get a husband."
After her experience, Koestner brought her story to the attention of
the administration. The dean of the university, and many of it's members,
did not sympathize for Koestner but worried more for the reputation of the
school and tried to hide the incident in silence.
After a hearing by the administration, Peter was found guilty and, as
punishment, was restricted from being in any dorm room other than his own.
"Katie, you should feel quite safe now, they found him guilty.
He won't be allowed in your residence hall for the remainder of the term
but you two make such a nice couple. If maybe you two could just work through
your problems, that would be just great," she remembers one dean telling
her.
In an attempt to escape her past, she transferred schools only to come
back to William and Mary after a year.
She graduated with a degree in women's studies. For the future, she
plans on attending law school and wants to start her own law firm which
focuses on helping and representing rape victims.
According to TIME, one in four women will be raped in her lifetime,
less than 10 percent will report the assault and less than five percent
of offenders will go to jail. These grim statistics prove that raped is
near common and is sexual predators seldom get convicted.
As advice, Koestner said "to recover from rape, be patient because
recovery takes a whole lifetime, which needs to be taken one day at a time."
