'Seinfeld'ish subjects sum up fall 1998
Campus Times
December 11, 1998
by Ryan Allen
Arts & Entertainment Editor
This is the last day of the fall semester, 1998, before finals. There
will never be another semester like it in form or time. But that is not
what this column is about.
In keeping with the spirit of Seinfeld and his TV show about nothing,
that is exactly what this column is about, nothing.
No, this is not a sappy senior goodbye column. No, there is not going
to be any complaining about unjust laws and regulations by the school or
government at large, no debate about the effects of second-hand smoke on
the public, no gender bashing issues of the opposite sex (or whatever your
preferred orientation might be), no bah humbugging the holiday season or
good will preaching for that matter, no complaints about the Associated
Students Federation (ASF) Forum's tasteless newsletter which appeared to
be one enormous advertisement for the Marxist, Leftist, Anarchist Collective
or the fact that their Holiday Dinner gravy had the look and consistency
of tapioca pudding (and let's not even talk about the mashed potatoes, how
does one screw up mashed potatoes? Come on ASF, MASHED POTATOES?).
That is right, no in-depth critical look at the short comings of the
University's various departments, whether it be housing, financial aid,
or administration. No ranting or raving from a disgruntled basketball fan
that there is not going to be a season this year for the NBA or the fact
that this editor's favorite NFL football team has been mathematically eliminated
from the playoffs.
It is pointless to complain that this is my first academic year since
the first grade in which my involvement with an athletic team is nonexistent,
especially after finishing second in the nation on last year's volleyball
team and not being able to play this year in hopes of winning the national
title.
There is no share, element or part of this column that is about anything
at all, concerning any kind of cohesive idea or coherent thought.
Despite the fact that the Spot closes at 5 p.m. everyday next week during
finals because, evidently, people do not eat in the evening, this is not
a column complaining about the Spot or Davenport's inconvenient hours and
food quality or lack thereof.
In exercising my freedom of speech, this column is going to be about
nothing; not anything. No, not even something. In fact it is the exercise
of not speaking that is being practiced.
After all, we all have better things to do with finals right around
the corner than to read a stress-inducing article about the fact that next
spring about a third of the general education classes will drop from four
units to three units.
Instead of getting migraines or ulcers we all need to take some time
out for ourselves, no matter how busy one may be, and relax even if it is
just taking a walk outside and breathing in some nice dirty Inland Valley
air spawned from the Santa Ana Canyon, otherwise known as the Santa Ana
winds.
College should be the best time of our lives, and as long as everyone
keeps their heads screwed on right, have a live-and-let-live attitude (or
for Dr. Kevorkian live and let die), and we do not lose sight of what is
important, which is different for each individual, then nothing -- that
is right, nothing -- can stop the next generation of working class citizens
from accomplishing anything and everything they want in life.
Oh, by the way, the drop from four to three units part was just a joke.
Ryan Allen, a senior communications major, is arts and entertainment
editor of the Campus Times. He can be reached by e-mail at allenr@ulv.edu.
