S.O.S. stands for Signs of Stress
Campus Times
March 26, 1999
by Nune Gazdhyan
Assistant Features Editor
Finally, spring break has perched upon the University of La Verne, mercifully
allowing students to take a break from class. For the next nine days, which
includes weekends, the concept of the classroom will vanish, being replaced
with the wonderful buzzing of parties, bars and beaches. But before you
set sail to LaLa Land, take a minute to measure your stress level. It will
help determine your boundaries for the much-needed break.
As you browse through the list, mark the scenarios that you can relate
with or are currently experiencing.
You are too stressed if:
o Davenport food bites back;
o The wind is making you sweat;
o Your dead fish appears back in the toilet right after you are done
using it;
o Tic-Tacs are your only source of nutrition;
o All your instructors start looking the same;
o Your brain picks up transmission signals from KULV;
o You develop a fondness for staring into the toilet bowl;
o You hold a great conversation with Elvis, all in your head;
o You start eating your homework;
o You consider eating your dog;
o You start plotting for world domination;
o You are convinced that if you wear your lucky hat, you can fly;
o You fall asleep on the toilet;
o Your vocabulary consists of only four-letter words;
o Your stuffed animals control your life;
o You pull out all your hair and then try to glue it back;
o You wear the same clothes over and over again without realizing that
you do;
o You start praying to your fairy godmother so that she can make your
homework disappear;
o You walk stark naked in your room singing, "I'm too sexy for
my clothes;"
o You consider selling your soul in exchange for clean underwear;
o Your books go on strike and you cannot study;
o You go on strike to complain about your neighbor's nose hair;
o You consume mass amounts of Davenport soup;
o You start chewing on coffee beans in order to stay awake;
o You develop a nervous twitch;
o Your dirty laundry starts walking away;
o You rub a glue stick in your armpits thinking it is deodorant;
o You refuse to brush your teeth to save time;
Do any of these incidents sound familiar? Are the walls caving in, and
is the clock ticking too fast? If you can answer or relate to any of these
scenarios at all, then quickly check into a local Stressed Americans Anonymous
support group. If you cannot locate such an organization, do yourself a
favor and start one during the break. Trust me, one is needed and it will
pay off in the long run.
On the other hand, if you have a perfect life and stress is just another
'S' word, to hell with you. Go on and enjoy your break, but be aware that
if homework is put off and procrastination overtakes all the nerves in your
system you will have a miserable reality check and you will have many restless
encounters with Mr. Guilt-Trip.
Spring break is for fun, but it is also a time to really get caught
up with school work. But it does not have to be all work and no play. Play
is good, but nothing beats education.
Nune Gazdhyan, a sophomore communications major, is assistant features
editor of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at gazdhyan@ulv.edu.
