'Inventing the Abbotts'
Campus Times
April 16, 1999
Ever considered leading a double life? Ever wanted to live a life that
was not your own but was fun to try on for size? I have and I have done
it for the last week and a half.
The byline on this column may read Michelle Thornton, but for a week
and a half, I became Mrs. Peter Abbott, who for all those who have fallen
into the works of this story, is a fictional person.
It all began as a joke. And I cannot stress enough that it was a joke,
but in the spirit of April Fool's Day, one little e-mail, that began as
a joke, began to weave itself into a very hysterical web of reality.
Never have I been able to pull off a joke as well as this one. It was
simple to begin with, but as time went on, it became more complicated-and
fun.
See, in this letter, the announcement of my marriage (to a man I had
known for only three days) was made. What is so absurd about this thought
is that I am not the type of person to do anything so rash and permanent
without thinking it through first. It is not my nature. My luck with men
has never been that good, so naturally, none of my friends would buy into
this ridiculous letter, or so I thought.
What I discovered was that some people will believe anything.
The letter spoke of my "husband" Peter and his fictional information.
Age: 31. Martial Status: Divorced. Kids: yes, one 5-year-old daughter Samantha.
Residence: Brea, Calif. Career: Pharmacist. Place of Work: UCI Medical Center.
It was so funny, it was downright ridiculous. On-campus friends actually
helped to fabricate parts of the story. They said, "Michelle, you cannot
get married and not have a honeymoon." This was true. So we planned
one, for June. And in Hawaii.
Well, needless to say, once one La Verne student found out, the joke
spread like wildfire and soon everyone was inquiring about my "marriage."
Well, naturally, I wanted to see how long the wool could be pulled over
everyone's eyes, so with each inquiry an addition was made to the story.
Simple details were added that made the story more believable.
Peter's first wife died of breast cancer. We met while I was taking
my aunt to the hospital for her monthly check-up. When people asked if we
had moved into together, I told them that we planned to wait until school
was over in May, so I did not uproot myself mid-semester. When people asked
where our pictures were, I replied that they were being developed and were
not done yet. When people asked where the ring was, I told them it was at
the jewelers being sized. Then I borrowed a friend's old engagement ring.
I am aware of how pathetic it must sound to have made up a husband,
but I am by no means hard-up for a date. I was just having a little fun
and proving a point.
It just goes to show how gullible people are. They will believe anything
someone tells them and will not even question it. It is common knowledge
how quickly rumors spread at ULV, and this joke was just an illustration
of how all it takes is one idea and how simple it is to get a rumor started.
The joke only continued this long because, unlike other victims of untrue
rumors on campus, I have the opportunity to let everyone know, via this
column, that what was said was not true.
To say it simply and for clarification, there was no truth in anything
that was said. I am not married. Peter Abbott does not exist. There is
no daughter. No honeymoon in June. The ring belongs to someone else. It
was a joke. April Fool's.
Michelle Thornton, a junior journalism major, is editorial director
of the Campus Times. She can be reached by e-mail at mthornto@ulv.edu.
