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Social Relations in the U.S.
It is difficult to provide a "guide" to social relations in the United States, because they are constantly changing and because differences in social conduct exist from one region of the country to another. Change, open expression of one's opinions, and questioning the system are generally encouraged among Americans. Therefore, trying to understand what social customs are observed and trying to find a comfortable way to act and live in this new environment can be difficult. An introduction to some basic attitudes may be useful as you attempt to understand U.S. social.
Making Friends
International students often find it difficult to understand how Americans form and maintain friendships. American friendships can often seem very complex. Although many international Students do experience difficulty, others have little trouble making friends. Be open to different types of friendships and give new friendships time.
In this "mobile society," friendships can be transitory and are often established to meet personal needs in a particular situation. You might be greeted by Americans with apparent warmth but you might find that this warmth does not always continue. Americans have many interests and engage in a variety of activities, so the warmth expressed in one meeting between individuals, while genuine and sincere, may be confined to that occasion.
College-age people often consider it essential to establish personal autonomy, develop self-awareness, and experiment with many approaches to living. For them "staying loose" or "being flexible" is necessary to this process.
The casualness of friendship patterns in the United States allows people to move into new social groups with little ceremony. These groups usually form around shared interests, work, and neighborhood. Most Americans readily welcome new people into their social groups.
Dating
In the United States, relationships between men and women have become more informal and the range of shared activities more broad. You may find couples living together, maintaining one exclusive relationship, or you may find individuals dating many people without commitment to any one person. The expectation that someone will be "faithful" after a date or two has caused many international students to become disillusioned about dating Americans. Going to social events together, even if this occurs several times, may not imply an emotional attachment. It does indicate that someone's company is enjoyed.
Men still tend to initiate invitations to dances, films, or other evening events, but such invitations may also be made by women. On campus, there are many entertainment opportunities to share with one person or with a group. Studying together and going to a special lecture are only two activities that provide ways to get to know someone. It is not uncommon for students to go on "dates" and share the expenses.
The amount of physical contact between men and women depends on the amount of affection they have developed for each other. The greatest amount of touching, even at a very superficial level, occurs between men and women in this culture. A casual hug or holding hands with someone of the opposite sex may appear to be an invitation to greater intimacy. It is not necessarily so.
Sexual Involvement
The question of sexual involvement is problematic in any society. It is perhaps even more problematic in the U.S. where there is such a wide range of attitudes and practices. There are few if any reliable ways to guess in advance the attitude that a particular person may have about sexual involvement. Further, the American media tends to convey the inaccurate idea that all Americans are readily available for sexual activity. This is inaccurate and misleading.
Americans generally follow their personal values, their personal feelings, and their thoughts about other people's reactions when considering whether to become intimate with another person. People usually regard sexual involvement as the personal and private business of the people involved in the relationship.
When an American woman accepts a date with a man, or after going on a date, indicates additional interest in a man, she is not expressing an interest in sexual involvement with that man. When an American man asks a woman for a date or responds to her indications of interest in him, he is not necessarily expecting sexual involvement. A date implies no commitments of any kind other than an interest in meeting at the agreed-upon time and place and enjoying each other's company.
Informality among Americans
The emphasis on individual identity, personal responsibility, and tolerance for others produces a considerable degree of informality in dress, relationships between people, and methods of communication.
Informal conduct, common throughout the United States, can lead outsiders to the conclusion that the conduct is a direct reflection of an individual's personality. This culture does not perceive "odd" or "unique" clothes to be an indication of bad taste, although, even Americans have their limits and in some situations, certain dress may be viewed as exhibiting poor taste. A great deal of flexibility to express oneself is permitted as long as it does not infringe on the sights and comfort of others.
Invitations
Invitations are usually informal and most often verbal rather than written. A "serious" invitation must specify time and place. For example, "Will you come over Tuesday evening at 8?" is a serious invitation. "Come over sometime," is not. If you say "yes," to the former, it is important that you keep the appointment. When Americans accept an invitation to someone's home, they make every effort to keep the time free. The host expects the guest to call ahead of time if s/he cannot come. If you receive a dinner invitation it is particularly important that you inform your host if you cannot attend. For most Americans it is important to know the exact number of people to prepare for. If you receive a written invitation that says "RSVP," it is important that you respond by letter or telephone to tell your host whether or not you plan to attend.
Handshaking
People usually shake hands when they first meet and not so often after that meeting.
Time
Americans are usually time-conscious, and being on time is very important. When an appointment is made, you are expected to arrive within 5 minutes of the appointed time. If you are invited to dinner at 7 p.m., you should arrive at 7 p.m. If a bus is scheduled to stop at 10:20 a.m., it is advisable to be at the bus stop 5 minutes early.
Gifts for Hosts
It is not necessary to bring flowers, candy, or any other gift to a dinner host. However, it would be accepted graciously if you do. Compliments on the meal and a thank you note to the host are appropriate.
Overnight house guests often bring a small inexpensive gift for the host such as a souvenir from your home country.
Table Etiquette
When you are at someone's home for dinner and are asked if you would like a serving of a particular dish, do not refuse out of politeness. If you want something, you should accept. If you wait to be asked again, you may go hungry. After you have had enough, it is appropriate to politely decline additional servings. If you have dietary restrictions, it is acceptable, and in fact appreciated, if you inform your host ahead of time.
Questions
Americans are curious people and they might ask you many questions. Some of their questions may appear ridiculous, uninformed, and elementary, but try to be patient in answering them. You may be the first foreign national of a particular country whom they have met, and they may have very little understanding your country and of life in your culture. Most Americans are sincerely interested in learning more about you and your culture.
Hygiene
Television commercials tell you the story: Americans believe that natural smell of people's bodies and breath are unpleasant. Most Americans bathe or shower daily (or more often, if they engage in vigorous exercise during the day), use an underarm deodorant to counteract the odor of perspiration, and brush their teeth with toothpaste at least once and perhaps more daily. In addition, they may rinse their mouths with a mouthwash or chew mints in order to be sure their breath is free of food odors. It is very common for women to shave their legs and underarms and to use a small quantity of perfume each day; many men use scented cologne or after-shave lotion to impart what they believe is a "pleasant smell." Most Americans will back away from a person who has "body odor" or "bad breath." This backing away may be the only signal that they are "offended" by another person's breath or body odor.
Health Care in the United States and at ULV
Americans are generally very health-conscious. From the foods they eat to the exercise regimens they follow, most Americans spend a good deal of time trying to avoid becoming ill. Nonetheless, illness and accidents are sometimes unavoidable. It is important for you to learn about health care systems in the U.S., as they can often seem complex, bureaucratic, and very confusing.
There is a broad range of health care services on campus and in the local community. Depending on your needs, circumstances and status at La Verne, some of these services might be provided by the university at no extra cost to you. For other services, you may be required to pay the full amount. Do not wait until you become ill to learn about these services; learn where and how to get care before you are in a situation which requires medical attention. Visit Visit the health center during regular hours to see what is available, or attend one or more of the many health-education programs offered throughout the academic year.
All students in and their accompanying dependents are required to have adequate health insurance coverage at all times. Medical care in the United States is extremely expensive; many people are left permanently in debt to a hospital or physician after receiving medical services for which they have no insurance.
